I got 99 problems...

Our lives are made up of relationships. From the people we do business with, to the people who serve our coffee, to the people we share a bed with, our lives exist in relationships. Some of these relationships are easy and positive, some are extremely difficult and painful. One of the most difficult relationships we typically have is with our Ex’s. It becomes even more complicated when our future is tied to them,  by a child, by a financial investment or by a mutual community.

So how do we shift from anger to love? From frustration to compassion? There was a reason we started dating our Ex's in the first place, something that pulled us to them, something that made us feel love and connection.  But then something happens that ends that experience of love and replaces it with resignation, resentment, frustration, anger. 

I recently completed an individual coaching program with a client who was dealing with an ex-husband that she needed to continue a relationship with since they shared a son. She had gone through some tough things with this ex and had ended their marriage many years back. She was able to share with me many examples of how he was a jerk and how dealing with him made life stressful for her, their son and their extended families. Although she had good reason to be upset, the fact was that her quality of life suffered because of this relationship. 

When we were able to detach the breakdowns that had happened in their past relationship from who her Ex was, she was able to take responsibility for her part in the relationship and commit to a new future for her and her family. She just sent this message to me and it brought me to tears so I wanted to share with you all!

“Good morning you beautiful soul you! I want to once again thank you for helping me to release the negative feelings I've held onto for the past 15 years. My son got his drivers permit in December and both me and his dad went with him to get it. We even drove in the car together!  
Then, I sent him the info for our vacation and I pulled my son out of school 3 days early. In the past, my Ex would have made a big issue with this.  This time…. nothing! Not a single word about it. My Ex’s other son just had his one-year birthday and I sent him a gift. I got a message back from his new wife, thanking me.  
But the best part- my son is so much happier. He doesn't go and hide in his room to talk to his dad anymore. He talks to him right in front of us. I know that the stress he's felt all these years from the animosity is gone. I don't know why it took me this long to let it go. But I did it and it feels great!!! I had kept all these emotions trapped and it actually bonded me to the negativity. Now I feel so free!
If it wasn't for you to push me to do that, I don't think I would have ever initiated that on my own. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! YOU and YOUR work are something special! Happy new year to you! I wish only positive vibes to come your way always and forever!!”

As we enter the new year this is a beautiful time to let go of past negativity and clear space for what you want in your life. 

with love- E

The Four Steps to Quickly Get Through a Breakdown!

Breakdowns SUCK! Like really, really suck! I know because I just went through one and lost my footing for a good five days... so here I am- on the other side and ready to share how I got through it.... here are the 4 steps to quickly get through a breakdown.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Breakdown and thank it for being here. Trying to side-step it, ignore it or numb it doesn't make it disappear. Own that sh**, its there for a reason. Ask Yourself- What is there for me to learn here? This is one of the fastest ways to move from frustration and fear to gratitude. How can I get through this and why was this unique challenge given to me? I know the person I will be on the other side is going to be wiser and more confident because of this breakdown.

Step 2: Don't React. When a breakdown happens we immediately have a reaction- anger, frustration, annoyance, fear, doubt... That Is Normal! Just don't start taking ACTION IN A REACTION. Acknowledge the breakdown, let your reaction pass, move to step 3.

Step 3: Get to Higher Ground. Know what people, activities and actions get you back to your grounded, clear, confident self. I know for me, I have friends that can always offer an objective, gentle insight. Yoga and exercise help me get out anxiety and anger and I leave class refreshed and grounded. A good-nights sleep does wonders for my clarity and energy!

Step 4: Focus on what you want and take action there. Typically in a breakdown we get focused on fixing or changing what is wrong. The problem with this is that it keeps us locked into the problem. Try focusing on what you want. This problem is further clarifying for me what I don't want, which in turn, helps crystallize what I do want.

In focusing on what you do want: peace, confidence, love, connection, etc. You expand your experience of those things and you might discover a creative way to navigate the breakdown OR find that the thing you thought was such a problem was not even that big a deal to begin with!

What breakdowns are you dealing with? How do you get through them? Comment below or sign-up to get complimentary coaching around something you're dealing with by clicking the link.

The Reason You Aren't Hitting Your Health and Wellness Goals

Lately I have been attracting clients that are struggling with weight. People who are sick of yo-yo dieting and losing the weight just to gain it all back. People that want to be able to lose weight and not be restricted in lifestyle. I completely resonate with this journey because that was also me. 

One of the most frustrating parts of discussing weight problems today is that we have no shortage of solutions: diets, information, healthy eating programs, etc… So why do we have ALL the information we seemingly need and still aren’t getting the results we want? 

I believe its because we are addressing the wrong problem.

We are telling ourselves and others to change the behavior- “eat this, not that” try this workout, try that cleanse, do that program. We try it… we get results for the first few weeks but then we get burnt out, we get tempted at a party, WE JUST WANT A FREAKING PIZZA!! So we quit and a few weeks later we are right back where we started. 

Now whats interesting is that we failed to do the fundamental work required to experience a lasting transformation. We look to the behavior and change that but we didn’t examine what is behind the behavior. In other words we fail to examine WHY we take the actions we take.

Think of it this way- before we engage in any action, conversation, choice, what happens? 
We have a thought - we have a thought, that creates an emotional response and then we take an action in alignment with that thought. Now if we were really to get honest with ourselves most of us probably don’t have the most empowering thoughts about our bodies…

“I’m not strong enough to do that.” 

“I’m just a heavier person.”

“I’m disgusting.”

“I’m never going to be able to lose this weight”

So if these are the thoughts behind our emotions and feelings wouldn’t it be natural that we would give up?

If I have the thought that “I’m disgusting” the natural emotional response would be frustration, heaviness or shame and the natural action would be choosing foods that are a match for shame and heaviness. 

If I have a thought that “I’m just a heavier person” I might feel stuck or resigned so the natural action would be to do nothing.

So there is an opportunity here- if you get really straight with yourself, what thoughts have you been having about your body? What conversations are you engaged in about your health? and what would start to open up for you if you could shift that?

I know that I didn’t have any lasting results until I really dove in and started to clean up the mean, nasty, disempowering thoughts I had about myself and my body. It took some brutal honesty, vulnerability and being willing to let others support me and the payoff is completely worth it.

I can honestly say I work-out because I LOVE sweating and moving my body. I enjoy eating healthy foods and I also love my mexican and pizza nights. I feel free and healthy in body and I no longer worry that I’m going to gain all that weight back.

If you are ready to spend 3-weeks cleaning out negative and limiting thoughts in your life, with the support of a team and lead by myself- check out my group coaching program starting next month. 

Full of Wonder

I have been contemplating this idea of child-like wonder a lot recently. It has come up in conversations, classes and in reading many times over the past week and has had me in reflection of my own childhood. 

I remember a childhood full of wonder. I lived on an urban block in Denver where the neighborhood kids played together frequently. Summers were spent running up down Humboldt St. playing games, riding bikes and putting on carefully rehearsed shows for our patient parents. I remember waking up on summer days with the excited anticipation of the day’s activities. Going to the library was a treasure hunt for the book that would transport me into a delicious storyline during a rainy afternoon. Days spent at the pool were wonderfully exhausting, filled with hours of physical and mental invention as we created elaborate games and contests. Even meals were highly-anticipated events as we switched houses that hosted. Each mom would make something new and delicious and most-of-all different from what we were accustomed to eating at our own homes.

My favorite memories are the hot summer days that would become warm summer evenings. The parents sitting, sipping drinks on the front porch. The kids running up and down the dusty, flagstone sidewalks in whatever costume fit that day’s make-believe mini-drama. Having so much fun that our parents had to force us inside after the sun finally set. I would lay down in bed, exhausted, full, and excited for the adventures of tomorrow.

Fast forward to my seventh year in New York. Waking up to an alarm and the anxiety of accomplishing everything that needs to be done that day. Resenting the subway commute, the technology that doesn’t work fast enough and the lack of hours in the day. Tracking the time until I am back at home zoning out to the latest Netflix show and already resenting the following days activities. The two experiences couldn’t be more different and I am confronted with the question: “What are we working so hard for?” Who cares if the bills are paid, if you have the right degrees, or the perfect partner, when the day-to-day experience of it is anxiety, resentment and frustration.

Out of this contemplation I noticed first that we are being driven by a need to achieve and the achieving is created by standards that, for the most part, we didn’t choose for ourselves. We work to have the right income, the right savings account, the stable career. How often do we stop to question if all this is really needed? And if the experience of getting it is even worth it?

Secondly, I noticed that as adults we don’t often play in life. If we were really honest with ourselves how often would we actually say we approach life with play? AND if we were to give up some of the have-to’s, shoulds, and standards we think we need, we could actually approach life with play. What would it be like to look out to tomorrow and the future and say, “If I were playing make-believe with my life, what would I want it to look like?”

We are going to play in that space both physically and mentally in this Saturday’s workshop at Sacred Yoga. I would love to have you come play too! For more information and to register go here.

10 Reasons to Love Yourself

10 Reasons to Go and Love Yourself

1. You, my friend, have a great butt. Yes, yes you do!

2. There is only one person on this planet who has the unique combination of your intelligence, your talent, your humor and your beautiful perspective. Use that shit!

3. You really, really, REALLY love other people.

4. You were put on earth to fulfill a unique purpose that only you can fulfill. 

5. Because, lets be honest - YOU are Kick Ass!

6. When someone you really care about needs you, you would drop everything to grab a coffee, lend a Kleenex, or knee someone in the balls.

7. Because if you don’t love you, no one else will.

8. Because loving yourself feels really great. 

9. Because when you love yourself, it gives others the permission to love themselves.

10. All you need is love.

To spend an evening loving yourself up while enjoying champagne and strawberries go here